Fallen Love

When I see you, when I lose myself to the irresistible sight of your eyes, to that evergreen noema, I like to light a cigarette and go back to Heidegger, I like to throw myself into that inexpressible abyss of rootless existence, into Dostoevsky’s night walks in Saint Petersburg, into Andrei Tarkovsky’s long shots and Nostalghia, those essential encounters in the inessential life of a child who lost his virginity to partial doubt and found it back in total doubt. My darling, for you I let go of all faith and hope, of all desires and aspirations, of heaven, and even of the desire of having you for myself. My darling, you make me want to remain a fallen man, and a fallen man I shall remain. Our union is the death of our love.

What is my faith but a pale image of you that I keep when I can’t see you; what need is there for faith when I can behold you?

Oh my dear, I am not just fallen; I have fell and still falling, falling in love with you and the enigma of your presence. But you are as fallen as me. You are as shattered as the impostors of your celestial beauty. For you I fall and shatter myself even more until we become entangled forever, separate but one. Your beauty is in my eye and I am in your beauty.

My abundant love for you is neither for you nor from me; it belongs to the abyss between us, a vacuum that sucks our vitality into itself; we will at last evaporate into oblivion and what remains of us and this love is nothing but the fleeting Hawking Radiation, the sperm of another fallen love.

4 thoughts on “Fallen Love

  1. my dear Tomajji,
    when i read your posts you remind me of one of Siddhas of Tamil lineage named Thirumoolar and he lived thousands of year before(he lives even now) and wrote 3000 songs containing all secrets of cosmos. the link is below and few translated poems from the link is given. you may wonder nothing new has come and nothing has changed from your spiritual experience and confirm the experiences of you are real as they have occurred to many in the so called past. kindly pardon me for poor english.
    https://www.himalayanacademy.com/book/tirumantiram/3
    121: Sivayogins Attain Turiya State in Mortal Body
    Sivayogins are they that the seed destroy,
    Who, in waking state, the pure awareness induce;
    Who in harmony unbroken, achieve the tranced breath,
    When life, senses, body–alike simulate death.
    127: Siddhas Lose Themselves in Divine Impassivity
    In Siva they remained, seeing themselves in all,
    Remained thus mutely gazing at Siva’s works manifold,
    In silence witnessing Time’s three tenses,
    They remained, lost,
    While Divine Impassivity spread its sable wings.
    1572: Macrocosm in Microcosm-A Mystery
    Baffling indeed is the mystery of Life’s Goal
    Baffling it is, why into the six systems was it made;
    A baffling mystery far,
    How into the shedding sheaths of this body microcosm
    Got imprinted a veritable macrocosm.

    Liked by 1 person

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