I AM

Objects are not simply passive phenomena hovering over against consciousness. Objects always appear with an overbearing claim to existence. Look around you! Everything that is is saying “I am.” The world is a voice pronouncing “I AM.” AUMMM

World is a tyranny of Being.

I am. Yet, I am a quite peculiar being: Though inert objects are oblivious to my “I am”, I am constantly aware of theirs, whether these objects are here or there, actual or possible, concrete or abstract, microscopic or macroscopic. I am that to whom the whole world is yelling “I am.” I am the supreme witness of all claims to existence. I cannot hear anything but “I am”. I am the supreme vessel. I am that I am.

By the nature of things we are bullied into accepting the reality of what appears before us. The glance of our consciousness is captivated with world and worldliness, and we are so in bondage of objects that we can’t hear their loud “I am.” Experience at once sees and accepts: It sees Being and accepts beings. But beings have Being before we give them a name or function. In reality the sound of “I am” is the first and the last thing heard.

I am that to whom everything is yelling “I am.” Everything is because I am, because I must be for their “I am” to be heard. And to be is to be heard.

I am that which is. Wake up to me and see my face. O’ seeker of truth! For how long shall I wait for your return.

Fallen Love

When I see you, when I lose myself to the irresistible sight of your eyes, to that evergreen noema, I like to light a cigarette and go back to Heidegger, I like to throw myself into that inexpressible abyss of rootless existence, into Dostoevsky’s night walks in Saint Petersburg, into Andrei Tarkovsky’s long shots and Nostalghia, those essential encounters in the inessential life of a child who lost his virginity to partial doubt and found it back in total doubt. My darling, for you I let go of all faith and hope, of all desires and aspirations, of heaven, and even of the desire of having you for myself. My darling, you make me want to remain a fallen man, and a fallen man I shall remain. Our union is the death of our love.

What is my faith but a pale image of you that I keep when I can’t see you; what need is there for faith when I can behold you?

Oh my dear, I am not just fallen; I have fell and still falling, falling in love with you and the enigma of your presence. But you are as fallen as me. You are as shattered as the impostors of your celestial beauty. For you I fall and shatter myself even more until we become entangled forever, separate but one. Your beauty is in my eye and I am in your beauty.

My abundant love for you is neither for you nor from me; it belongs to the abyss between us, a vacuum that sucks our vitality into itself; we will at last evaporate into oblivion and what remains of us and this love is nothing but the fleeting Hawking Radiation, the sperm of another fallen love.

Faith: The Quintessence of The Path

One must first seduce the world into that notorious journey. One must have already offered the world all that one has and all that one is, to have treated the world like one’s own child, with unconditional love, for the idea of the journey doesn’t even cross the mind of the one who cannot love without being himself loved. The path is infinitely short but the journey takes forever; after all, thorn is the mark of the path and faith is its light.

Journey ends at the hills of the holy mountain where the holy sword awaits the coming of the brave hearted. It is here, at the crossing between hell and heaven, the place of unbearable fear and trembling, that one must sacrifice the world in order to see the Face.

The world must go if It is to come.

Manifestation & Nothingness

One must look upon manifestation, or phenomenon, as the visible tip of an iceberg. Visible phenomena are rooted in the invisible, yet intelligible, abyss. Veiling and unveiling always occur simultaneously. A visible cup would not be visible if it didn’t have missing sides, sides facing away from the viewer. When one moves around a tree to view different perspectives of it one does so at the cost of letting go of the currently available perspectives. Phenomena always appear in perspective, and to have a perspective is to miss the totality. These instances from the space of vision also hold for all cognitive acts: Phenomena are but the end products of cognitive acts. What appears always appears to the eyes, ears, memory and imagination, reason and intellect, spiritual synthesis or scientific analysis faculties, etc.

The phenomenal world is what it is in virtue of its partial view, its halfhearted givenness to consciousness, which makes for the experiences of time and space. We always experience ourselves as located somewhere in the world, both spatially and temporally, i.e. historically, while the rest of the world, which is most of it, is inaccessible to us at that moment. To make more of the world accessible to us we must leave our location, and hence let oblivion replace the manifestations where we formerly stood.

This universal structure of manifestation also holds for human existence: We are that which is only given to us instantaneously while most of our being is submerged in memories and available only through often subconscious anticipations. Man is essentially located in the abyss; it is his consciousness that holds together the idea of a human person with a well-defined identity. The moment we come to face ourselves we are already snatched by the veiling current of time which at once unveils newer sides of our being from the inaccessible storage unconscious, the unmanifest. In other words, we never truly see ourselves but rather always think ourselves. Or, what we know of ourselves is only the small tip of an iceberg submerged and floating in the ocean of the invisible: From the abyss we rose and to the abyss we shall return is a somewhat misguided interpretation: Let it suffice to know that we never really left the abyss; we are the abyss.

Truth and Tradition

In the face of truth everything is mere opinion. To face the truth is to face away from opinions, and above all to face away from opinions about truth. What stands between man and truth is the baggage of his convictions. In the path toward the source our ideas and symbols are only to play the role of a ladder, for they are designed to be transcended rather than dwelled upon, and that until we are ready to face the Sun. And facing It is not an instance of looking upon it or an intellectual or rational grasping but rather becoming one with it, for truth being infinite and total cannot be looked upon; it contains all that there is. Knowledge of truth is a matter of self-knowledge. To experience truth is to self-experience oneself in one’s infinite glory. There is nothing more dangerous than the irresponsible New Age spirituality which tries to offer salvation without purging the individual from the malaise of the modern point of view, a point of view essentially Spiritless and utterly false.

A man or woman who looks upon him/herself as a psycho-physical entity lacking a sense of sacred can never truly become spiritual. Spirituality has two indispensable dimensions: Doctrine and method. One without the other can only make life hell for this rotten meatball that man has become. Doctrine is metaphysical and never physical, scientific, or philosophical; thus it must come from revealed traditions which were yet at a safe distance from a series of damnations known as Renaissance, Reformation, and The Age of Enlightenment.

If the traditional man was a sinner it was only relative to God, something infinitely above himself. If the modern man is free and rational it is only relative to the beast, something finitely below himself. Thus, if modernism seems to have made a better humanity it is only because it lowered the ideal from the infinitely above to something below; it never made a better man but a worse ideal: Modern man looks great but feels terrible, for he has no place in the new cosmos. The existential nausea of Sartre speaks to this unfortunate occasion more than we can say about it.

Metaphysics: The Supreme Science

Supreme science is the science of the first and the highest principles. It is known as metaphysics in the strictest sense of the word and not metaphysics as wrongly associated with the supernatural. The principal subject of metaphysics, according to Aristotle, is Being qua Being, Being as such. Thus, metaphysics is an a priori science, its form and content being independent of the empirical facts of the world. Logic and pure mathematics are examples of a priori sciences; the truth or falsity of mathematical propositions is determined with reference to the logical structure of the proposition and not with reference to the facts of the empirical world. Metaphysical truths, too, enjoy the same status, hence the title supreme science: Metaphysical truths, if found, are eternal and unshakable. Therefore, metaphysics is concerned not with actuality but with possibility, with what is logically possible and what is logically impossible. If natural sciences are concerned with contingent facts of the empirical world, metaphysics is concerned with the necessary truths of the world as such. In other words, metaphysics seeks to expose that which cannot not be.

Natural sciences cannot in any shape or form answer or eliminate metaphysical questions. This lack of access to metaphysics from the plane of the empirical world is neither due to the inadequacy of natural science nor due to the impossibility of metaphysics. Physics can neither answer nor discredit metaphysical concerns no more than it can answer or discredit pure mathematical puzzles: The two sciences, physics and metaphysics, operate in utterly distinct spheres of knowledge. Consider the example of human organs of perception: Each organ has access to a particular class of phenomena that is special only to that organ; the hand touches what is touchable; the ear hears what is audible, etc. A hand cannot touch a sound no more than the eye can see a sound or touch a wall; but this lack of access for an organ to the phenomena of another organ is not a defect of any organ; it is only a case of harmonious specialization.

Learning from the beauty both in form and function of the human body we must refrain from giving superiority and exclusive rights to only one species of knowledge and its respective agencies, that is, to empirical facts and natural sciences. Humans have physical as well as metaphysical needs. It is not up to a special class of disciplines, namely physical sciences, to claim superiority over others and pronounce their own truths to be superior to other truths such as religious truth, spiritual truth, and metaphysical truth. This bullying behavior which is rooted in the western idea of “divide and conquer,” and which is also the quintessence of all modern sciences and their overemphasis on quantity rather than quality, is ironically the guiding model of the west in its world politics, the curious division of the world into the first, second, and third world countries, the first always being the criterion for the common good of all. But let us stop our digression here since the point has been made with regard to the roots of the unquestionable reign of modern science and its fascist and totalitarian role as the sole determinant of the human place in cosmos.

Physical aspect is only one dimension of human constitution; natural sciences which are specialized in modelling nature based on a merely quantitative grasp of phenomena have a practical utility meant to address the needs of the physical dimension. The spiritual dimension of man which concerns not just comfort but also happiness and peace of mind and heart cannot be fulfilled by ignoring the spiritual and spoiling the physical needs, and hence overworking the physical dimension. It is for this reason that the modern man is the flattest of all; he is utterly one dimensional.

It is precisely the spiritual dimension as the creative aspect of life that attracts art, religion, and philosophy. If physics is the science that formulates in precise details the physical dimension of man and existence, metaphysics is the science that formulates in precise details the spiritual dimension of man and world. The contingent physical facts of physics can only be complements to necessary metaphysical truths and not their replacements. Physics and other natural sciences can never resolve the human existential questions, for these questions are in principle metaphysical questions in need of metaphysical answers. The following analogy should clarify how the two sciences, physics and metaphysics, and their respective fields of inquiry are incompatible, though they may complement one another within the framework of an all-encompassing science yet to come:

Consider a computer game that is created to simulate human life. In the game there are people, cities, countries, science, religion, etc. If you choose your avatar to be a physicist you can cooperate with other physicists and try to discover the laws of nature as it is given in the game; and the game is programmed so that it is possible to explore the discover exact laws of physics that govern the motions of objects in the game, not necessarily the same as the laws of physics in reality.

Now, see that there are two distinct classes of laws, or facts or truths, that exist with regard to this game: On the one hand, there are the laws the govern the events that happen inside the game, the laws that can be discovered by the player who explores and studies these events using his/her avatar; on the other hand, there are laws that govern the game itself, namely the programming code that makes the game possible in the first place. I want you to think about these two classes of laws from the point of view of an avatar in the game, remembering that this is an analogy with rough edges: The avatar sees only the world inside the game; it experiences events inside that world governed by the laws of nature inside the game. Naturally the avatar has no consciousness of the game-nature of his/her world (remember the limits of analogy.) It can only know about the first class of laws if he/she decides the explore and find them. But the physical laws governing the world inside the game are themselves made possible by a program code; they are governed by another class of laws that are of an entirely different nature: They are programming codes; they do not refer to things such as mass or energy or motion but concern only logic and syntax. Although the existence of the natural laws inside the game depends on the game code, it is impossible to infer or deduce the game code by studying or analyzing the laws that exist only inside the game. The physical laws apply only to what happens inside the game while the game code applies to the game itself. The game code exists in a higher and more abstract level than the laws inside the game.

If it happens that the avatar in the game somehow suspects that he might be inside a game and decides that he wants to know the codes that are behind the game (assuming this possibility exists within the code), he must choose a method totally different from the methods used inside the game for discovering the natural laws of the game world. He/she will no more have to experiment on objects as regards their motion because unlike the local laws of nature the code game is global and has a logical rather than empirical origin. The avatar should no more be concerned with what happens inside the game, with what is actual; instead he/she should be concerned with the most general structures governing his/her experience of the game, for his/her own very existence in a way suggests the whole code; the avatar is subject to the game code before he/she is subject to the physical laws of the world inside the game. In other words, the physical laws concern the actualities inside the game while the programming code concerns the possibility of the game itself.

From the standpoint of the player who moves the avatar the world inside the game though it appears to the avatar to be endless and infinitely exploitable, it is in fact a small screen with nothing beyond it; the game is precisely made such that the avatar appears to be moving in a vast world of endless possibilities.

Similar to the way that laws inside the game are related to the game code, laws of natural sciences are related to metaphysical truths. I am not at all implying that our reality is a game running on some computer code and advice against all such Matrixy conjectures. The point is to see how physics and metaphysics are, or are not, related to one another, and that how it is impossible to construct the metaphysical, if any, from the physical; the two classes of laws, physical and metaphysical, operate in different planes of existence. As it was the physical laws that were consequences of the game code, it is also the laws of nature that must follow from metaphysical truths and not the other way around.

Even assuming the extremely successful, yet improbable, scenario in which physics has solved all the problems of cosmos and its origin and teleology, it is always possible and even mandatory to pose the question “But what was before that and how did this come about?” If the naive physicist claims that the cosmos, which is by the way only a theoretical construct, can spring into existence without a cause and then proves that his claim is a logical consequence of the verified laws of physics, then he has resolved the problem of the origin of cosmos by creating another problem concerning the origin of the laws of physics: If according to the laws of physics the universe can jump into existence without a cause, then these laws must preexist the universe in order to make this immaculate conception possible; if the laws preexist the inception of universe, then how did the laws themselves come to exist? If the laws do not preexist the universe, then they cannot be applied to the moment of inception, hence refuting the physicist’s proof that the laws remove the need for a cause in the beginning! To avoid more headache I stop here and suggest you use your imagination to see that no matter how successful physics may be it can never address certain kinds of questions and it can never access certain kinds of truths.

It is here that metaphysics must be revived and utilized with unprecedented seriousness, for man is now more than ever in need of a qualitative grasp of his essence and existence in the face of the Absolute and the Infinite. The revival of metaphysics must be done in such as grand and glorious scale that it can first eliminate the adverse effects of the quantitative reign of modern science, and then silence the epidemic irrationalism and intellectual perversion of our age whose ugly symptoms are existentialism, atheism, and the consequent irresponsible spirituality with its fake gurus and shallow disciples.

Much like the case of the game, the metaphysician need not concern him/herself with petty details of cosmic phenomena and its differential equations; instead he must have mastery over logic and equipped with a penetrating intellectual intuition that can grasp the perennial truths accessible through gnosis: Metaphysical truths dwell in the heart and are accessed by means of pure intellect which is the divine spark in man. It is in and through metaphysics that we can realize the unity of macrocosm and microcosm and see that one is the image of the other.

The ultimate goal of metaphysics is to establish in a systematic way what is known as The Supreme Identity which states that man is essentially divine:

Ultimate Reality is non-dual, indivisible, and invisible. It is one without a second. It is the Absolute and the Infinite. It is beyond being and non-being. The true Self of man which is the Self of all beings is of the nature of Ultimate Reality and one with it. This Supreme Reality which is directly perceived and known in transcendental experience is of the nature of existence, consciousness, and bliss. In Hinduism Supreme Reality is known as Brahman and is characterized by the Sanskrit compound Satchidananda (Existence-Consciousness-Bliss). The true Self of man which is essentially the same as Brahman is called Atman. It is important to note that Satchidananda or existence, consciousness, and bliss are not attributes of the supreme reality: Supreme Reality is existence itself; it is consciousness itself; it is bliss itself.

The metaphysical doctrine behind all religions and accepted by their esoteric exponents in Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Platonism, etc. is best formulated in Advaita Vedanta which is a nondual system of metaphysics. It is as follows:

Brahman is Real

World is illusory

Atman is Brahman 

World As The Ecstasy of Consciousness

Consciousness gives and hides at once; it exhibits the world, but exhibits the world as transcendent, always beyond our full reach. It makes most of the world hidden from intuition and yet laments over what it gives and brags about what it takes.

Consciousness doesn’t just exhibit the world; it exhibits objectivity. It is not a world of objects that we experience and then label it as real; it is reality itself that we experience. Reality is the absolute necessary object of all experience; it is in light of this structural feature of consciousness that even our dreams are experienced as real: Experience is always experience of reality. “World” and “Object” are alien concepts added later.

Experience is the consciousness of the Real.

Existence is the consciousness of the Infinity.

Objectivity is the consciousness of the Absolute.

World is the consciousness of the Totality.

Beauty is the consciousness of the Good.

The peculiarly human anxiety is due to the half given world, a world that is necessarily and eternally withdrawing from the full grasp of consciousness. We become anxious because despite our awareness of the contingency and impermanence of the world we still invest in it, in a world that is always only half-available; and we do so on faith. It is the anxiety inherent in bad faith that conquers us; it traps us into fears of our own creation.

This is the anxiety over “what if our worldly projects go wrong!” This anxiety implies the essential contingency of existence and human’s instinctual awareness of it. World can always be a different world; it can and most often does deviate from our naïve expectations. We are already aware of this dilemma, and it is with this awareness in mind that we undertake our projects and invest in our investments.

Man’s irresistible urge to erase his memory of contingency and impermanence constitutes the real Fall of man. The fall did not just occur and end; the Fall is an ongoing process: Man fell and is still falling, falling an eternal centrifugal fall that is entangled to human existence. We can transcend this urge only when we transcend our humanity. We have worn existence inside out; this made us human. Religion and science came and made it even worse; these imposters of truth turned existence upside down; and this made us the modern man, the rock bottom of all species. No wonder man cannot find its way back to the ground. Humanity’s time is over; it is worn out and bleeding too hard. It has already had too many strokes; it is too old for restoration: It will expire in the hands of the drunken surgeons of modernity and its fascist sciences.

The anxiety is lifted only when we fully admit to the contingent character of the world; only when we stop investing in it and expecting from it. Life can be lives fully only when the old, rational idea of the world is renounced, wholeheartedly and with the most sincere intentions. One wonders if human emotion is a reaction to this absolute dichotomy, of the urge to invest in something known to be absolutely uncertain. It is as if man has a fetish for pain and bondage.

It is not that we as humans can withdraw our investments and resolve this dilemma. Humanity itself is an investment in the world; it is itself the symptom and not the cause. Humanity is the world-interested self-objectification of consciousness. Humanity is in principle identical with captivation, hypnosis, bondage and finitude. But if we are to withdraw our own humanity out of the world, then who are we really!? We are that which poses the question. We are what we have accepted to be.

If we were truly human, if we were grounded in our humanity and if it was our inevitable essence, then it would not be possible for us to wonder about who we are, to question our existence, to have notions such as Absolute, Infinite, Perfection, and Real, and to pose the question “Who am I?”

Humanity is the content of experience; we are the absolute subject forever immune to all objectification, for it is us and only us who does the objectification.

You are not human; you are not alienated; you are not alone, for you are the only thing that exists and everything that exists is you. You are the One; you are that and that is you.

Nothing can weaken you; nothing can frighten you; not so much because you are strong, but because you are the only thing that exists; there is nothing outside you to weaken you; there is nothing other than you to disturb you, your peace and your greatness. You are absorbed in an eternal presence filled with glory and bliss. Nothing is there to hurt you. The only thing that exists is the contents of your own consciousness. We only need to make one decision: Do we want the contents of our own consciousness be for us or against us?! Our salvation is in the former and our damnation is in the latter.

You are not the knower; you are not the known: You are the knowing.

You can never fully be anything, for you are Being itself. You are pure existence. Human anxiety is the known fear in the face of its own infinitude.

You must dwell in the essential ambiguity of presence. You are the dweller of the void; you are the whirling dervish called Now: You are the Now and not anything that happens in it.